Friday, May 22, 2009

Speaking the truth from the heart

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This little heart awaited us today at the dedication for my dad. Those who have followed my blog since my dad passed understand what this means!
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My family in front of the new memorial garden, along with my dad's faculty.
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Dad's little angel holding the plate that will be in the memorial garden.
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My family along with my dad's wonderful principal!
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A girl that my dad taught with had him for her own teacher and played basketball for him back in the day. She brought the yearbook for the dedication. My handsome dad is on the top row, smack dab in the middle. Look at that smile : )
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This photo is blurry, but sooo Paige. Adults usually love on her and try to get her to sweet talk, but this is what she gives...the "rock on" sign. I love this girl :)
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My first grade team. They ROCK!!! We have had the BEST and most enjoyable year with each other. Everyone calls us the "dream team" this year. We get along famously amongst a faculty that sometimes have conflict. I love these girls.
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Paige stealing a piece of candy from our new fourth grade teacher, Mr. Smith. She thinks he is sooo funny (he really is a hoot!).
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My very best friend at school, Dawn. She adores Paige and the feeling is more than mutual. Sometimes D. will call me at night and I don't get to talk to her because she and Paige are talking shop. Paige gives her advice on how to handle "girl drama!"
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This is my friend, Jane. We grew up together and shared a lifetime full of memories. We were friends for 30 years. She passed away yesterday. My heart aches more than anyone can even imagine.
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Jane and her son, Owen, taken this fall.

Please, if anyone is listening, HEAR me... it is OK if you are sad, depressed, feeling inadequate, struggling with life/parenting, not finding the joy in life. Please call someone, anyone, and share your burden. There are doctors, counselors, hotlines, people at church, someone at the park, a friend that you know isn't going to judge, but rather, listen and care. I am so sad that Jane didn't reach out to any of us. She must have felt so alone. She wasn't. We all loved her so much and my heart is breaking and I am MAD. Not mad at J., but mad that she didn't feel she was worth it. Jane, I love you, my dear sweet friend. You share some of my deepest darkest secrets. Your smile lit up a room and your laughter was contagious. You were always the eclectic, artsy booger and I envied your artistic ability. You were funny and dry and had the timing of a grandfather clock. Owie is the closest thing to you. May he never forget how much you loved him. I love you and will miss you every day of my life!

When my dad passed, Paige began looking at the sun and if rays were shining down, she would say that Dad and God were welcoming someone to heaven. Today, I took this picture and when I was finished, she turned around and said, "Look sissy, Heaven's hopping today!" I hope God and my dad scooped up Jane and embraced her and welcomed her to the greatest of all places.
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I post all of this for several reasons: 1) this is my journal and documentation
2) it's therapeutic 3) I hope I reach someone (email me at: sissy2paige@yahoo.com and I will send you my telephone number)...if anyone ever needs a non-judgemental ear...it's here waiting. PLEASE, I ask that if you don't agree with the things I say, don't comment. Remember, blogs are the opinions of those who own them. Your beliefs may be different than mine. I am fragile right now... The only reason I opening up this post to comments is simply because I received so many precious and thoughtful emails this week, gently nudging me to open up comments. I love you all!

God Bless You All~!!!

33 comments:

EllieNat said...

Missy,
Sending you a {{{hug}}}.
Sylvia

Michelle said...

Dear Sweet Missy,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You have been through so much ... my heart aches for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers...

Love,
Michelle
p.s I love that your dad has found a way to let you know he is around you. It is so beautiful and touching!!

Courtney said...

So sorry to hear about your friend.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Oh Missy, I don't know what to say......I am so sorry that you are working through another loss...it is so sad.

The ceremony for your Dad looked beautiful.....what a wonderful celebration of his life. Everytime you talk about him, I just imagine a very loving, genuine, and big hearted soul.....just like you:)

I have been thinking of you and your family all week.....we'll talk soon......miss ya:)

Lisa

jiangxigirls said...

Big hugs to you today my friend! So sorry to hear about your friend. Let me know if I can do anything from afar....

Hugs,
Becky

Marla said...

Big hugs to you today, Missy. What a lovely remembrance for your dad, he was obviously well- loved and respected. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and for her sweet son. Y'all will be in my prayers.

Super Mommy said...

Missy - this is such a beautiful post. I love the dedication at the school - I love your attitude. Yes it is so, so sad that you dad passed away, but celebrate and embrace the wonderful life he led and the terrific family he influenced - you all are a testiment to that. I love the heart BTW.

Thank you for reaching out to those who are hurting. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and hope her family (especially her son) can find some peace. Hugs to you Missy!

Doug and Terrye said...

What a precious post! You have a heart of gold, and I'm sure that you have (and will) touch many lives with your kindness!

Terrye in FL

Courtney said...

Just stopping by to let you know I have opened my blog. Feel free to stop by!

Jboo said...

Missy -- have been thinking of you and your family this week and keeping you all in my prayers. What a wonderful celebration of your Dad's life. Your friends and coworkers at school look so special.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend -- it is so heartbreaking. Take care.

Janet

Sherri said...

I'm glad you found the heart your dad sent to you :) Your dad must have made a huge impression on people to have such a wonderful dedication made to him. You must be so proud of him.

You are so sweet Missy. I feel terrible that you are enduring yet another tragedy. I am thankful for you opening up yourself to be there for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on. Your friends are truly lucky to have such a supportive, caring friend in their lives.

Have a good day......
Sherri

Shawnstribe said...

Missy big ((((((hugs))))))
i know how it feels, it's happenedto me too....my dad ; (
why????we will never know, but God is greater than all this....
love to you girl friend

Kelly Green said...

You are just a love Missy. I know today's your tough day and tomorrow's mine. Thinking of you all...
Kelly

LaLa said...

Missy...sending you huge {{HUGS}} today as I know it must be sooo hard ... this first anniv will be the hardest...hang in there!! If you need to talk to someone who unfortunately has been there..CALL ME...anytime!

Love you girl.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Missy ~ Thank you so much for sharing your heart with all of us. What a wonderful day celebrating your dad's life... and what a horrific loss in the passing of your friend. Hugs to you, dear heart.

Donna said...

What an emotional week for you and your family. What a great memorial for your dad, though...that must have been of great comfort for all of you.

Colleen said...

Missy......dear sweet Missy. I wish I could hug you right now {{{{hug}}}} Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost two good friends to suicide and my friends 14 year old took his life : ( I felt helpless. I am always here for you if you ever need to talk. I hope you know that {{hug}}

kerri said...

I just want to reach through the lines and give you a huge embracing hug.I am so sorry your working your way through your friend's loss..
I love how your Dad is letting you know he is in your heart, it's so beautiful.

rgshrs said...

My dear sweet friend,
What a beautiful, sad, meaningful post. Thank you for opening your heart and putting yourself out there. You have been through so much and care so deeply for those in your life. It makes you a very special person.
I love that your Dad is still showing you all hearts and that you can still see them and take comfort in them says so much about you!
I'm sorrier than I can say about your friend. There are no words. I also love that Paige, that sweet, sweet girl, could see that heaven was opening it's doors. I am sure she is right!
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
Heather

Tracy said...

Missy,

I am so sorry for you, your friend and especially her son. My father committed suicide when I was about 6 years old and I know the pain and stigma of it follow you your whole life (or at least 30+ years so far).

I hope someone who is struggling comes across your blog and takes your advice.

mommy24treasures said...

love ya girl!

Steffie B. said...

Oh Missy...what a heart felt post from the heart. It looked like a wonderful memorial service for your Father. What an honor to have so many family and friends for such a tribute.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your friend. I will keep you in my prayers along with her sweet boy.

God Bless.....
Steffie

Colleen said...

Missy, first I must comment on the picture from the last post. It is my all time favorite EVER of any you've taken. Those curving tracks leading to someplace unknown and beautiful Paige sitting on them with the most perfect, thoughtful expression. I absolutely love it.

As for today's post... I'm sending you big hugs, sweet friend.

Felicia said...

Missy...you are an angel. Sending you a great big hug. In the midst of your grieving you reach out to help others. That is so you!

Casey said...

I am new to your blog, but I wanted to share my deepest sympathy on losing your friend. I can't imagine the heartbreak. I have struggled with depression and I think your post is wonderful in that it encourages others to reach out and talk... not an easy thing to do when you are in that place, but so neccessary.

Much peace, Casey

Marla said...

I'm at a loss for words, and you know thats not normal for me. I know we have only met once but I truly feel we have been friends forever. I would not hesitate one second to call upon you if I needed and I hope you feel the same way. I have found a awesome friend in you my dear.

Michelle said...

Oh Missy,
I am sorry I am just now reading this. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. You have such a wonderful heart. I just can't imagine what Jane's family and friends are going through.

I am glad to see such a nice memorial for your father. He was well loved, as are you, my friend.

Kerry said...

Missy-
I too have friends that struggle with depression and it is so difficult. I am always fearful when they are not in professional care that they will not focus on how much they are loved and how much good they have to do. A close friend of mine was very recently given a second chance and I pray everyday that he sees his worth and how much he is loved.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is a terrible disease.
Hugs to you sweet friend.

Nicole said...

Missy! I am so very sorry at the passing of your friend. I can't imagine the loss you and her family feel right now. Oh, my heart aches for Owen too. I pray that your wisdom and coaring nature will reach someone who may be going through a trying time... I love the picture of Paige with the sunset and with the plaque from your dad's garden. She is a ray of sunshine! Hang in there...

Kate said...

Missy,

I don't know how I possibly missed this post. I am so sorry for your losses and marvel how you celebrate even in the face of tragedy. I love your spirit and outlook on life and that is the biggest testament to your dad that there could be. I know he is smiling down on you and your mom and Paige and your brother...and he is saying...."well done"...

You sweet girl!! I love ya!

Melissa said...

What a beautiful, touching post and memorial...tears in my eyes over this one and how overwhelmingly postive it was.

Your dad is so proud of you.

Joe and Jane said...

Missy,

It's been a while since I popped over here. I'm so very sorry about your friend. I see that you are taking a rest break now and I hope you are truly finding it peaceful.

Jane

Jennifer said...

Missy~

Just catching up on reading blogs. I am so sorry about your friend. How sad....BIG hugs my friend. I can tell you are someone that I could sit down and have a great girl talk with.

Love the memorial for your Dad!

Jen