Friday, November 19, 2010

Holidays get the best of me

As the holidays approach, I always get a little blue. My mom shared with me the other day that even as a child I was not into the magic of it all. She said that I would often become introverted (which I am not) and seem melancholy (which is not my nature). I feel that since my dad is gone and my brother is married now, our little family unit that was once so very tight is fading. While realistically I know that I probably have never been as close to my mom and Paige as I am now, I still long for the days of being a little girl and waking up on Thanksgiving to hurry and snuggle with my daddy and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. He would ooh and aah over all of the floats and in my true bah humbug nature, I would roll my eyes, while inside thinking that they were amazing and how I loved watching them with my dad. My brother would usually be bouncing about the house driving me crazy as he played with his nerf guns or bounce his basketball in the hallways. My mom would spend the day preparing dishes to take to my aunt's house. We'd usually be in a BIG hurry and would sometimes even fuss over the silliest of things in the car. It always was a hurried time, but even though things didn't always run smoothly, I enjoyed it. Something about traditions, good or bad, leave a romantic feeling inside. I may not express to my family that I wish for these traditions, but secretly I do.

I am sad that our hectic family days of old are now gone. I am trying hard to remain positive and happy for Paige, as she is such a sweetpea and deserves traditions to grow up with. It's just a hard time of the year for me.

Next week, I am attending a grief seminar in our town. It is held every year and is meant to help get through the holidays while missing a loved one. I haven't done too much in the department of healing and I think it's time. The one thing that I do hold on to is that my dad is with God and that he is complete and happy. If he can be happy and whole, then I think I owe it to myself to do the same. Sometimes easier said than done, ya know?

What are some of your fun traditions that you have for Thanksgiving and Christmas? Perhaps you would let this little family borrow some of them? I want everything for Paige to be magical and special. I want that for me, too!


Amy Lafayett said...

I so love reading your blog and all of your honesty.

One of the Christmas traditions we started several years ago (shared by an older wiser woman) was that on Christmas morning when everyone wakes up. . .they come to our room and we all pile in the bed together and snuggle and read the Christmas story from the Bible. We have usually read it the night before too, but something about putting the focus FIRST on the birth of Jesus and THEN on all the presents under the tree helps make it not to be totally about the stuff. :) And we always have birthday cake for Jesus sometime on Christmas day. My kids love getting to make and decorate this cake.

Christine said...

Oh, the holidays are *tough,* I know. The past two years I've focused on looking for "magical moments" which has definitely helped. (I'll be doing it again this year too) As for Thanksgiving, my dad has had business travel every year since I was five... so it was just my mom, my sister and I most years. We spent the day in pjs... watching movie after movie (I can't even imagine what my Mom shelled out at Bl*ckbuster the Wednesday before) and doing crafts. We had take-out for dinner. Honestly, it was kind of awesome. I've been lobbying hard for that here... but I think we'll need to wait a couple more years for S to "get it") :-)

Norah said...

Some little things we always do are make sure we watch all of the holiday shows/cartoons together with popcorn, drive around and take in the beauty of the Christmas lights everywhere, and in Dec. every night I read The Night Before Christmas... Gene still let me last year at 12, so I'm hoping this year at 13 he still will!