Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Not a one way street...

My heart has been so heavy lately. I am sitting here in my classroom, all the kids have gone and I am just depleted. So much so, that I don't even feel like gathering my things to go home.

I have always been called, "Dr. Phillis" at school, because most come to me with their problems. I am flattered that friends feel that they can trust me with their secrets, issues, concerns, dreams, etc... I always want people to feel good about themselves and it TRULY bothers me when someone is hurting or sad.

I have prided myself on always being a good friend to others. It's important to me. Always has been, always will be. I like to listen and share in others joys and triumphs and cry with them through the good times and the bad.

All of that said, I feel like I deserve to be heard, too. Lately, in many, many areas of my life, my concerns and issues are completely going unnoticed by some of my very dearest friends. I have called several confidants and asked them if we could have coffee or if they had a minute to chat, only to receive a reply that implies, "I just don't have time to listen to you". It hurts.

I don't want to become jaded and not still remain a loyal friend, but I am seeing as I get older that some friendships are a one way street and it sucks. Sorry for the language, as I don't allow Paige to say that word, but it is the truth. I just don't have the time for it any longer.

I am tired of listening to people talk on and on about their kids for what seems like hours on the phone, only to not ever once ask me about the wonderful kid in my life. I am also tired of walking by people at school and hearing all about their children or spouses and don't get the same common courtesy back. I am sick and tired of it.

I just want to cry. I know I am spilling my guts out and many of you may think I am an absolute emotional wreck and perhaps I am. I do know that what I have to say is important to me and for those "friends" who value me as much as they say they do should realize that I am flawed and have hurts, too.

Well, I have just sat here at my computer at school and have confessed my soul. I feel better...at least my blog listens to me, right?! Sorry to be such a wreck. Just one of those weeks and if I didn't get it out I feel I might have spontaneously combusted! not really...just joking about the combusted part :)

17 comments:

Jboo said...

Oh Missy -- I'm here and I'm listening! I'm sorry that you're having a rough time and you are so right -- you deserve to be heard and comforted too! And yes -- it does suck! I wish I lived by you so we could go out to lunch, to Starbucks or for a little adult beverage! Thinking of you and sending you a great big hug!

Janet

Sherri said...

You are right, that does suck.....

I'm not a block away, but I am a phone call away and anytime you feel like you need to unload I will be willing to listen.

Hugs.....

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Sorry girl!! I have noticed that you haven't been your usual self.....even in your comments. I wish there weren't so many states separating us..... I would have a cup of java with you any day of the week!!

You could always call me on your morning commute while we drink our coffee out of "to go" cups. I promise...... I will shut up and listen and not talk about Photog or the kiddos:)

Luv Ya,

Lisa

Becky said...

Awww Missy I know what that is like. I have friends that only call when they want something or need something. Hugs to you my friend!

Jodee Leader said...

I agree! That really sucks! You are a great friend and you deserve love and kindness back. Please know we are always hear if you need to talk! Hang in there!

Lindy said...

Missy, I get the impression from reading your blog that you are a very giving person. You seem to have many blogger friends who care, so I hope you will connect with some of them. I hope you feel better soon.

rgshrs said...

I don't think you are an emotional wreck, I think you are having a rough week and it does suck when you find that friends aren't the kind of friends you thought they were. You and I sound so much alike on so many levels. I used to go to a christian camp every summer, one week as a camper and the rest working. Well working for me generally being dragged into the girls bathrooms in the middle of the night for one girl or another to pour her heart out. It's a pattern that never really changed. I am the family therapist, nearly the youngest sibling in my family and yet brothers and sisters-in-law call me for everything. It gets draining. I know exactly how you feel. and YOU DO DESERVE to have someone listen to you too! All that said, if you don't have my number let me know, anytime YOU need a shoulder I am here. Sending you a big hug and know I love hearing about the wonderful kid in your life anytime! ;)

Super Mommy said...

Confession is good for the soul! This is YOUR blog - YOU can write what you want!!

I am sorry you are being dissed, that is so not cool. I love hearing about Paige and what you're up to and what's going on in your head...you can always email me

a Tonggu Momma said...

I think one of the most difficult things about being generous, in love, in life, is that - when you DO need something - the people in your life are often complacent and, dare I say it?, even lazy. They aren't used to giving back. I'm so sorry it's been a tough time for you. You're life is just as important as the life of every other person you meet. I would love to know you in real life.

CRICKET said...

Doesn;t it feel like sometimes we are all alone. I have a hard time expressing my feelings yet I always have an open ear for others. Maybe our friends get used to us not opening up so they don;t expect it. I so feel your pain and will be sending positive vibs your way that you feel better.

Norah said...

I'd go for a cup of coffee with you any day! I don't have many friends here in my town. Everyone is always too busy to get together. And I could listen to you talk about Paige all day!

Joe and Jane said...

Missy, sorry to hear this! I think that our friendships do change as we become older. I have let a few friendships go by the wayside because they were just too one-sided or too emotionally draining. It's tough. Thinking of you!

Michelle said...

Oh Missy, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am sorry you are not feeling heard. I so wish I lived closer and I'd take you out for that cup of coffee. I know I am often guilty of being caught up in all the balls that I am trying to juggle and don't live in the present enough to listen as I should. But I would listen to you, Missy.

You are loved by so many, Missy. I hope you do know that!

Sending a big hug your way!
Michelle

The Byrd's Nest said...

You know that I say this with all my heart. My phone number is 972-212-6180 and even though I am in Costa Rica this is a voice over the internet phone and it is NOT long distance. Anytime you are feeling this way call me.

Being a good friend is important to me too Missy. I can tell by the way you write that you are always a good ear to your friends. This is a good reminder for me to call on my single missionary friend here in Costa Rica. I get so caught up in Spanish and my family that I don't consider that she might be feeling lonely or just need a female companion. Thank you for this reminder and please please call me if you need me sweet girl.

Debra said...

Big, big hugs. You are important, valuable, interesting, talented, smart, beautiful...I could go on and on and I've never met you. It's not you or anything about you. Most people are rather, shall I say, self based. Do something good for you. Treat yourself to some kindness. Whether it be a spa day or an incredible dinner, or maybe a few hours with a great book. You give so much to everyone else, perhaps give more to you. I know easier said than done, but make the time for you. Keep being the beautiful person that you are. Our world needs more of it.
Hugs,

Robin said...

Sorry to hear ... but it is very true that a lot of friendship are a one-way street! It usually takes me too long to figure this out & it is so disappointing for me. I totally understand what you are talking about! Hang in there :) I would gladly give you my # because I would love to hear all about your photography and your sweet Paige. Your an awesome lady & super photographer!!

Hugs
Robin

3 Peanuts said...

Oh Missy. I feel so sad that this has happened to you. I do think that sometimes if you are a good listener (as you obviously are) people dump a lot of you and do not listen in return. Being a trained counselor....I have been there. People want to tell me all their stuff yet not make the time for me.

You seem like such a wonderful person and there are obviously a lot of friends here who would lend a listening ear...you can count me among them.

Kim