My heart has been so heavy lately. I am sitting here in my classroom, all the kids have gone and I am just depleted. So much so, that I don't even feel like gathering my things to go home.
I have always been called, "Dr. Phillis" at school, because most come to me with their problems. I am flattered that friends feel that they can trust me with their secrets, issues, concerns, dreams, etc... I always want people to feel good about themselves and it TRULY bothers me when someone is hurting or sad.
I have prided myself on always being a good friend to others. It's important to me. Always has been, always will be. I like to listen and share in others joys and triumphs and cry with them through the good times and the bad.
All of that said, I feel like I deserve to be heard, too. Lately, in many, many areas of my life, my concerns and issues are completely going unnoticed by some of my very dearest friends. I have called several confidants and asked them if we could have coffee or if they had a minute to chat, only to receive a reply that implies, "I just don't have time to listen to you". It hurts.
I don't want to become jaded and not still remain a loyal friend, but I am seeing as I get older that some friendships are a one way street and it sucks. Sorry for the language, as I don't allow Paige to say that word, but it is the truth. I just don't have the time for it any longer.
I am tired of listening to people talk on and on about their kids for what seems like hours on the phone, only to not ever once ask me about the wonderful kid in my life. I am also tired of walking by people at school and hearing all about their children or spouses and don't get the same common courtesy back. I am sick and tired of it.
I just want to cry. I know I am spilling my guts out and many of you may think I am an absolute emotional wreck and perhaps I am. I do know that what I have to say is important to me and for those "friends" who value me as much as they say they do should realize that I am flawed and have hurts, too.
Well, I have just sat here at my computer at school and have confessed my soul. I feel better...at least my blog listens to me, right?! Sorry to be such a wreck. Just one of those weeks and if I didn't get it out I feel I might have spontaneously combusted! not really...just joking about the combusted part :)
An All-American Girls' Trip
2 years ago